Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
