she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
