I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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