You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
