How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
