he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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