I hate all girls vehemently.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
