it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
