He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
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he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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