I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you had me at cake vodka
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
