Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
