Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
