FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
