apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
