Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
