had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
