so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
