That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
