RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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