Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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