Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
