shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.