Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.

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(352): View more from Florida

I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5

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(517): View more from Michigan

it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.

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(585): View more from New York

He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(817): View more from Texas

He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van

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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight

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(763): View more from Minnesota

FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.

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(813): View more from Florida

I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.

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(360): View more from Washington

i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"

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