I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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