Kiss
Puke
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
