at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
