And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.