there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
