She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
