I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize