Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
