First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize