Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
