Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
