i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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