just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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