Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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