the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
