I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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