her vagine was all disorganized.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
