redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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