dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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