i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
