sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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