what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
