using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
