MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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