The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
