you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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