I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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