Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
