Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
