so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
