you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
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What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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