im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
