Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
