all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
