i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
