Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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