I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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