so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
