We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
