I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
