Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
