I think i peed on brittanys purse
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
