took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
