We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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