What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
