He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
