Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
