the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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