Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
