i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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