i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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