Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
