What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want her autograph on my taint
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
